Spent some time with a dear old friend tonight. It felt so good yet bittersweet to play again.
I grew up playing piano & violin, starting each at 3 yrs. and 6 yrs. old respectively. They were a huge part of my life; some of my favorite childhood memories involved some form of music. I grew to achieve success with the likelihood of a music scholarship at my fingertips following high school but I struggled so much internally that I abandoned both instruments for quite sometime. Needless to say, it was disappointing for those who really believed in me.
Somehow, I didn’t feel worthy of any of it.
I continued piano (what I’ve always considered my main instrument) at some point, but never picked my violin up again until years later. It hurt to even look at it so I hid it away.
When I think back on my senior year of high school — the difficult challenges I went through, the emails between teachers & parents trying to help - I have so much love & compassion for myself as a young teen, reflecting on how lost and confused I was; how much grief I had absolutely no idea I was carrying around with me; how angry I felt at the world...how much pain I was in.
Yet I don’t regret how it all played out, not one bit. It’s a part of my life I tend to block out sometimes (I’m sharing this part of me for the first time) but I’m embracing all of it these days - every single experience.
I don’t know what you all believe in, but I can confidently say I believe everything truly does happen for a reason. I’ve realized that part of what it really means to give back is taking our pain and finding ways to transform it into gains for everyone else. Sharing my story through several art forms has been so healing, especially this year. I hope that wherever you are on your journey, you will find what healing means for you too.♥️
Artist | Singer-Songwriter | Composer