In high school, I used to cover my face in makeup. I would even do things like drastically reshape eyebrows, use the wrong foundation shade, or pack on a lot of blush so that I‘d look like a different person. I felt like I had to be a different person, so why not look like one, too.
As an adoptee, I had no idea what my biological parents looked like. I felt and looked so different from everyone around me that I literally felt ashamed of myself. I had nothing to compare my features, personality, characteristics, etc., to. And if I was given away, then the ‘original me’ must not even exist. So I covered it all up, all day, every day. I even slept in my makeup sometimes (I know, gross - you couldn’t pay me to do that today.)
So when I met my birth family when I was 25 years old and saw pictures of my birth father (I have not met him personally, but have pictures & have spoken on the phone), I received more validation than I could ever describe here, but I’ll tell you that it changed the way I felt about & viewed myself - almost completely. I was still me, but not only was it okay to be me, I felt like I was being me for the very first time.
(this stuff is hard to talk about as it is, but if you’re an adoptee, then you totally understand that last line on this level).
That same summer, I wrote a song called ‘To Be Me.’
I am a 50/50 mix, but I truly resemble my birth father in this particular picture. It’s so crazy that I can see my birth parents in me when I look at my own pictures now. I look like the people who made me. Knowing this, and seeing this, makes a big difference.
I texted my husband this pic earlier this week and said, “I look so much like my birth father in this picture.”
He replied, “Yes, you do. How does that make you feel?”
I answered, “I finally like my face.“
Artist | Singer-Songwriter | Composer